FEAR - October 18, 2013 - Inspiration from source this a.m. - Fear. It's everywhere these days. Never seen so many scared people in my whole life - and I grew up in the 70's when there were lines at the pumps and we were just coming out of Viet Nam. My mind for the last 24 hours has been contemplating - why is everyone so afraid? And why am I not afraid anymore?

So I asked this morning during my meditation about fear, why are we all so afraid? Not just afraid of failure, but afraid of success! I was told, "Fear is just an excuse for not getting it done." The "it" is whatever your mission on life is - whatever the reason is for your being. What is "it" that you think you are supposed to be doing - that feeling inside, perhaps the one you have struggled with all your life. 

I realized recently that I'm simply not afraid of anything anymore. I stopped worrying about death awhile back - when it comes, I will feel that I did what I needed to do right up to the last minute. And if my spouse or my children died, I know that I have loved them the best that I can in every moment. I dance with my children in the rain.

I'm not afraid of being unloved - as I know deep in my soul that I have all the love that anyone could want or need - and if I need more, it's right there, all around me, ready to be accessed. I grab onto and love people instantly if I realize they are meant for me. Of course I've always been that way. I have that externally through friends and family, but now, more importantly, I have it internally through the energy I have been feeling in mediation. I'm not afraid of going without - as I know that if something happens to me, if I lose it all - I will simply double down and rise again. I am a phoenix.

But I feel fear, palpably, all around me. A fear of not having money, a fear of getting sick, a fear of being alone. It pulses at me when I talk to people. I so want to help people to understand that the truth, really, is that the only thing we really have to fear, is fear. If you can be unfettered by fear, you can obtain whatever it is that you want. You have to put your eye on it and walk through the fear. Some people call that courage - I call it truly living.

When I was about 23, I was just married, and terrified that my husband might stop loving me. We'd been together just a few years at that point, and with divorced parents, all I kept thinking was "nothing ever lasts." I was so afraid of losing him that I almost forced it to happen. I became angry, and complaining, and push, push, pushed him all the time. The fear almost made the leaving happen. He was resilient though, and pointed out what I was doing. He stayed. 

When I was 33, I loved someone else so much that my heart ached daily, and I did the same thing. I didn't want to hold on for fear that the other person would let go. That person could not fight my fear, it was a monster by that time - and the friendship ended. Fear made that happen. Then fear kept me from fixing it for almost 15 years.

Now, I have fixed things. In my heart and in my mind. I walked through the fear and found myself on the other side. I have traveled to the edge of the world, opened a door and held my arms open - which is all that anyone can do really. The worst happened, and...I didn't die. 

Something clicked on in my mind, and I realized I don't need armor to live my life - I need to bare my skin, to walk on the coals, to feel things deeply, to charge in where others fear to tread - to basically be who I have always been, but without the fear of what you will think. That change you all keep mentioning to me when you see me - what you are seeing is the shedding of fear. Who needs it? It's ugly and uncomfortable. In losing the fear, I have found the most beautiful me I have ever known.

So when you see me talking here - it's always me walking through fear. How much can I tell you? Pretty much everything. How scared am I? Not at all. What's the worst thing that will happen - one of you will decide to "unfriend" or "block" me? Well, I've been blocked by the best - and I'm still breathing. But even if I stop breathing - from the deep breaths I take with spirit, I know it's really beautiful over there. And if I'm not afraid of dying...what's to fear?

Namaste